Jewish American Heritage Month

Posted By admin on July 9, 2021

As I took my child to kindergarten this morning, I walked past a father, wrapped in tefillin, dropping off his son and waving goodbye with the leather straps between his fingers.

I get coffee and see men in their tallitot picking up fresh bread on their way to synagogue, women whispering the morning prayers at the bus stop, old men with a stick in one hand and a little Book of Psalms in the other, reciting as they walk.

This is Israel.

We look mad from the outside, a mad nation walking around in towels with fringes, with leather-strapped arms, talking to ourselves, humming as we walk.

Give me a break. Im tired. Im exhausted with being Jewish, keeping the faith, praying and observing laws.

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Never a day of rest, for the mind, for the soul.

We are believers, the sons and daughters of believers. The song goes on. Today I dont want to believe. Its too tiring. Just leave me alone.

Let me be a cat or an ant, let me be a tree or a flower, let me be a person with no God and no soul, just existing, enjoying what I see and feel without any need to give back, to fulfill or to believe.

Let me simply exist.

Every day I find myself thanking Hashem for having given me a Jewish soul, for having given me laws and rules to adhere to, for having given me a Torah, and for incredible ancestors who are watching over me and expect me to continue the chain of laws, tradition and faith.

Every day means today, even if its not any a particular day in Jewish history, not a fast day, not Shabbat, I dont have to build a sukkah, I dont have to clean my house for Passover, I dont have to prepare a festive meal for 45 people. None of that.

It is just a normal Tuesday. Yet I feel exhausted from my Jewishness.

I am exhausted from being Israeli and believing and fighting for this land, every inch of it, and its right to exist and defend itself even among its own people, the Right against the Left, religious versus non-religious, Arabs versus Jews.

I am exhausted from seeing and hearing tragic news from the past few months about death and collapse.

I feel the Earth moving under my feet.

Is there some kind of message we need to read here?

Is there a place where I can feel safe and secure?

Maybe we need to strengthen the foundation of our society wherever we are, reinforce our childrens education and the way we behave to each other as humans.

NINE YEARS ago, when I was told my daughter was sick, I was in the Pediatric Hemato-Oncology Department in Hadassah Ein Kerem. Wherever I turned there was a sick child. I remember seeing one of those big comfortable couches they put there for parents to sink into when they fall apart. I threw myself onto the couch, looked at my mother and said, I wish I had no children, no family, no suffering, no pain. Who needs this?

Why do I need to get married, fall in love, create other human beings who I will love more than anything in the world, and then see them suffer and feel this excruciating pain that I cannot deal with? Leave me alone. I should have stayed alone.

I remember looking outside the window and wanting to be a tree, just standing there, enjoying the sun; no feeling, no drama, no pain.

My mother took my hand and said, With no feelings, we dont live, we just survive.

Some will love more and cry less, some will cry more and love less but we all go through it in a way or another and that is what makes us who we are. Take this pain and use it, make something out of it. Write your story.

Life is scary, the world is taking a dramatic turn, tragedies happen and will happen again.

Right this minute, people are buried under the rubble of a Miami condominium. Children are crying for their parents, and parents are mad with grief over their children.

Still, let us not forget that we are the chosen people of God. We are all His children. We have been given a Torah and much work to do every day, from the morning when we wake up and say Modeh ani to the evening when we go to sleep and whisper Shema Yisrael.

We are not trees. We are not like the other nations who have no restrictions, no laws, no commandments, and no rich history and traditions.

We are the chosen nation and that is why Hashem demands more from us than any other nation, just as a parent with a brilliant child will always be more strict with that child in order to get whats best for him.

I turn on my computer and see the peaceful image of Rabbi Lipsker from The Shul in Bal Harbour, Miami, talking on CNN and explaining to Wolf Blitzer that whatever happened is not understandable; its something above our grasp of comprehension, theres no explanation, God is running the world, we need to do what we have to do.

No questions and most importantly, no searching for answers. We dont get a break from being who we were chosen to be. Every day is a new day, a new beginning, a new chapter, a new fight and a new prayer.

We have no choice, we are believers, children of believers. That is why we always survived and we will never give up.

So, no break today for you my dear from being who you are. Peace of the mind and soul begin with hard work. Get up and get the job done, pray, fight, love and cry.

Stop thinking too much. Let Hashem rule the world even if not always we understand His ways. It is not easy. Have faith.

I stare outside, a leaf falls from the tree.

Even trees feel.

I am sure.

The writer is from Italy, lives in Jerusalem and heads HadassahChen Productions. A director and performer, she also heads the Keren Navah Ruth Foundation, in memory of her daughter, to assist families with sick children. hjm74@hotmail.com

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What do you do when you're tired of being Jewish? - The Jerusalem Post

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