Posted By richards on March 10, 2015
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We live in a world that values achievement, excellence, hard work, and success. Theres nothing wrong with any of these things. In fact, I wish them on us all - on our synagogues and our schools, on ourselves and our children as well.
But the problem is, the message many of our kids hear is that excellence, achievement, and success are the only things that matter in this world. And this is a terrible message for our kids. Its a message that leads to expectations that can result in a lot of stress and a lot of suffering for our children. Kids who internalize this message end up doing school instead of learning. And then, ultimately, they become adults who end up doing life instead of living.
The irony of it all is that the system that weve constructed to push our children to become successful achievers sometimes causes more harm than good. Study after study demonstrates this. One example is early reading programs. Forcing reading when kids aren't ready can dampen their enthusiasm for literature and even negatively affect the way they think about school itself. Hurrying kids to read before they are developmentally ready wont make them more successful readers - or students or scholars - down the road.
If we really want to do our kids a favor, if we really want to give them a leg-up, we need to give them what they need most of all. And what is that? According to Dr. David Elkind, author of the now-classic book on this subject, The Hurried Child: Growing Up Too Fast Too Soon, what kids need most is a healthy sense that the world is a safe place, that their needs will be met, and that they will be cared for and protected by the grown-ups in their world.
So what does it mean for us to ensure that the needs of our children are met?
According to our tradition, meeting the basic needs of our children includes providing not just food and clothing, but also a proper education. Torah study is a given. Some sages add that we should teach our children how to swim. Another says that we must teach them a craft.
But as important as learning is, our tradition understands that it must not be rushed: Rav said to Rabbi Shmuel ben Shilat: Do not accept pupils who are less than six years old (Bava Batra 21a) The message: dont hurry. For millennia our people, no slouches when it comes to learning and achievement, have waited until a child was five or six to start formal education. And our sages understood that a child should only be introduced to more difficult subjects like mishna and Talmud, when he is ten or fifteen years old.
But one of the most profound lessons about parenting comes in a rather unlikely place. In tractate Yoma, the part of the mishna that details the laws, customs, and meaning of the sacred day of Yom Kippur, we learn:
Do not make children fast on the Day of Atonement. However, they should be trained the year before or two years before so that they become accustomed to the observance of the commandments. (Yoma 8:4)
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Not So Fast
Category: Talmud |
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